Daria

I can't express how much this excites me.

Bitch session

I'm 27 now. Unemployed. Struggling.

"Blame the economy," "things will get better soon," "something will come along," etc.

I'm tired of hearing these phrases and similar ones. Yes, the economy sucks but even so, there are a million jobs out there. I'm just not qualified for any of them. I've got a Masters degree and nothing to show for it. I spent 6 years getting degrees in a field that leads to homelessness, or so the jokes go. ("I'm an English major, so, pre-homeless.") That's exactly what I'd be if not for my parents. Every day I think, "why did I go to school for English?" I had fun and I learned a lot but really, what will I do with it? If I continued on for my PhD I could be a professor one day. I don't want to get my PhD, however. I write but get rejected from every publication I submit anything to so I'm thinking that might not be my calling. I could be a high school teacher if I had a teaching license, but I don't and I'd really rather not teach high school. So, what does that leave? Technical writing? Editing? Copy Writing? Those are all great careers but I don't have the experience to get any of those jobs. And of course, I can't get experience because they won't hire me. I'm frustrated and ready to give up.

My personal life is just about as F*cked up as my professional one. I'm back in Cortez (my hometown, and a place I hate). I know plenty of people here but there are no people I would care to spend time with. Everyone my age is someone I know from high school but was never friends with, or the husband/wife of someone I knew in high school. Husbands/wives/kids...that's not my thing. Building relationships with anyone of the people I know is difficult because we have nothing to say to each other. We could talk about high school but that is not something I want to do. High school has been over for a long time and I want to keep it in the past. I can't talk about kids or husbands or boyfriends or anything.
I've come to find out that in this town I'm thought to be either a lesbian (because I'm not married, have no boyfriend, and don't want one right now), or pregnant (because I'm not thin). Really Cortez? Are you that closed minded that a woman can't be single and curvy without being labeled as something else? I hate it here.
Then, there are my parents. I've been back for a year and it has been the longest year of my life. I am so unhappy. I feel like I've aged 30 years. And every day I'm reminded of why I was involved in a million activities in high school. I can't handle being around them. I love them but I seriously start feeling violent when I'm around them for very long. I'm not a violent person. I'm not sure if this rage has just been building for the past 27 years or if it is just from the past year. I really don't know. My poor pillow has been my saving grace. Punching, crying, screaming...my pillow has seen it all.

I'm tired. Tired of pretending I'm happy, pretending I'm optimistic, pretending I think everything will be okay. I am not happy, I'm not optimistic at all which shows in that I don't think things will ever be okay for me. Ever. Things could get better, sure but I don't think I'll be okay or happy for a long time. Realizing this makes me even more upset. Feeling this way won't help me get a job, but being happy and positive didn't help either.

I do hope things will get better. I really do.

Poem A Day Challenge Day 30!!! -- Farewell

Today is the last day of the month and the last of the challenge! I've had a blast and feel like I've learned a lot about my poetry writing style. Since it is the last day I wrote two poems. Enjoy, and cross your fingers that one of my poems makes it into the top 50 (though, not likely).



The Change
The trees are bare
Skies a gloomy grey.
Reds, golds and browns
Mix together in death and beauty.
Soon the snow will begin and
I will say farewell to autumn.


-----------------------------------

The Time Came

You and I had it within our grasp
We saw it come to life at our fingertips
Watched it fall apart at our feet.
There was laughter and tears,
Spoken dreams and hidden fears.
You hurt me in ways
I never knew I could hurt.
You told me you loved me
Your eyes told me you lied.
Before putting myself through hell
I decided to tell you farewell.

Poem A Day Challenge Day 29 - "Never (____)"

Only One More Day!!!!

Never Settle

If I could give advice to my students
It would be to Never Settle.

Don't settle for this town -
There are greater places elsewhere in the world.
Go out and see them.

Don't settle for that relationship where you're treated okay- There is someone great waiting for you somewhere.

Don't settle for passing -
Strive to do better and make something of yourself.

Don't settle for the cozy job with less money -
Show that you deserve the better job.

Don't settle for the college close to home -
Follow your heart, work for those scholarships, and get the Education you want and deserve.

Don't settle for second best -
You'll miss out on all the good stuff.

If I could give advice to my students it would be to
NEVER SETTLE.

Poem A Day Challenge Day 28 - Sestina

Sestina

A stress beyond all measure
Wracking my brain to make the words fit.
Are they in the right order and
Do they make any sense?
Overwhelming frustration takes over.
I Quit.

Poem A Day Challenge Day 27 - Longing

Longing for October Road

A fictional small town
Living within my television
Full of people I want to
Know and care for.
Fall full of orange and gold
Trees and autumn festivals,
Summer full of swimming
Holes and backyard barbeques.
Our time together was cut
Short by low ratings
But I long for a day I
Can return to October Road.

Poem A Day Challenge Day 26 - Miscommunication

I Heard It Wrong

She stood up when her
Name was called
Grasping the microphone
Firmly between her fingers
"I don't even need the screen"
She called out as she moved
To the front of the stage
We held our breath, knowing
Her as we do, and hoping she
Really knew the song
As she began to sing the chuckles
Started, snickers at first and
Then full out guffaws that made
Us hang our heads in embarrassment
But she sang out loud and proud
Confident in every word and ignoring
The sounds of laughter surrounding her
When the song ended she walked to us
Looking quizzical and quickly
Sat with a frown on her face
Her voice quivered as she asked why
Everyone was laughing at her
We all grabbed her hands and
Told her how she had gotten the
Lyrics completely wrong
She shrugged her shoulders
Said, "I suppose I heard it wrong"
Laughter spilled from her lips while
Repeating over and over, "I heard it wrong."